Welcome to the
Mental Health Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive,
press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent,
please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple
personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid,
we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your
call.

If you are delusional,
press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic,
listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive,
it doesn’t matter which number you press–no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic,
press 9696969696969.

If you have a nervous
disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the
line.

If you have amnesia,
press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security
number, and your mother’s maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic
stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bipolar
disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after
the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term
memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term
memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term
memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term
memory loss, press 9.

If you have low
self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk with you.

 – from The Daily Dilly


View more sermon illustrations for inspiration for your next message.

Share This On: