• You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
• You quit trying to hold in your stomach, no matter who walks into the room.
• You enjoy watching the news.
• The phone rings and you hope it’s not for you.
• The only reason you’re still awake at 4 a.m. is indigestion.
• People ask what color your hair used to be.
• You’re proud of your lawnmower.
• Your best friend is dating someone half their age and isn’t breaking any laws.
• You start singing along with the elevator music.
• You really do want a new washing machine for your birthday.
• Your car has four doors.
• You routinely check the oil in your car.
• You’ve owned clothes so long they’ve come back into style twice.
• You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
• 7 a.m. is your idea of “sleeping in.”
• You don’t remember when you got that mole…or the one next to it.
• You write thank you notes without being told.
(according to Jeff Foxworthy via Dave’s Chuckles.)

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