Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.

Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

Therapy is expensive, popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

I'm just working here until a good fast-food job opens.

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.

Is it time for your medication or mine?

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted paychecks.

How do I set a laser pointer to stun?

I'm not tense; just terribly, terribly alert.

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