~ I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

~ I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet.

~ I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.

~ I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

~ The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I'm startled.

~ The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

~ I prefer to remain an enigma.

~ I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

~ I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

~ I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

~ I refuse to travel to my job until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.

~ I've used up all my sick days…so I'm calling in dead! (from the PearlyGates list)

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