Stop Fuming, Start Forgiving!

There is a second lie the devil whispers to us in order to discourage forgiveness. He suggests that we say, "Yes, I will forgive that person, but only if he or she apologizes first." Actually, none of us is good enough to make such a demand. Only God is good enough to demand repentance before He issues forgiveness. We sinners have no such right; to demand an apology first is presumptuous of us.

There is a third strategy the devil uses to discourage forgiveness. He tells us our attitude should be: "I will forgive, but I'll never forget what was done to me." Any person who makes such a statement is being foolish. We may have forgiven someone on a superficial level, but it is unlikely that we have forgiven from the heart as Jesus requires. Here is a clue that you may not have forgiven a past offense. When you talk about it, do your eyes narrow; does your volume rise?

You may remember Clara Barton founded the American Red Cross. On day, a reporter asked her about an especially cruel thing that had been done to her years before. Miss Barton seemed not to recall the incident. "Don't you remember?" asked the reporter. "No," said Miss Barton, "I distinctly remember forgetting that incident." A Christian keeps working with God until the memory of a grievance no longer has any power or "zing" in it.

Don't misunderstand biblical forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean excusing something or pretending it didn't happen. Some people think if you forgive someone who has bullied, cheated or abused you, you must pretend the offense didn't really happen or that it wasn't so bad after all. Not so! Nor does it mean you have to expose yourself to more bullying, cheating or abuse. The object is not to distort reality. The object is to cleanse your heart of poison, the poison of resentment. That poison can wreck your relationship with God, spoil your disposition, harm you physically and steal your joy.

Forgiveness is not the same thing as pardon. You may forgive someone who wronged you while still insisting on a just punishment for that wrong. If someone breaks into your car and steals your stereo system, then the police arrest the thief, you can and should forgive the person but still press charges. He owes a debt to society. You have a responsibility to see he does not steal again, but your forgiveness will release a healing power in you and the thief.

Look now at the seven steps of the forgiveness process:

• First, acknowledge that you have been hurt. Admit your anger or resentment. It is not helpful to deny reality or play games.

• Second, confess that you have sinned against your loving God. If you're not sure you have sinned, ask your spouse or an honest co-worker.

• Third, acknowledge that God, instead of retaliating against you, allowed His Son to pay for your sin on the cross. That thought should tender your heart.

• Fourth, face the fact that unless you forgive all others, God cannot forgive you. Yes, that includes your in-laws.