How Forgiveness Works

3. Confront the problem: striving for truth (Luke 17:3-4).

Often the letting go of forgiveness happens only after the truth of a problem has been confronted and put squarely on the table. Confronting someone may not come easy for you, but it may be the most merciful thing you do for someone you care about. Jesus said in Luke 17: "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him."

Now that’s the ideal situation we’d all hope for: a mistake, a confrontation, an apology and forgiveness. And we should hope for the ideal, while realizing sometimes we’ll have to let go of someone even if he or she isn’t convinced he or she has done anything wrong.

C. The ministry of forgiveness (Matt. 18:15-18; John 20:23; 2 Cor. 2:6-10)

Forgiveness is a ministry. Jesus set out a protocol for forgiveness when, in Matthew 18, He said, if you have something serious against someone, something dangerous or scandalous, first of all go to him. Then, after that, you may need to draw other people into a process of confrontation. But you don’t begin there.

Forgiveness is a ministry—not just to the people you forgive, but as an example to a world that easily lives resentment and revenge, that there is a better way.

So this is how forgiveness works. When you need to be forgiven, and you know it because you’re being eaten up on the inside—you come clean—with God, with yourself, and in some cases, with someone you have offended. If you need to forgive someone else, you draw on the deep well of mercy, you confront the problem, you let go and then you let the process of release begin.

III. Complications with Forgiveness

Sounds easy, right? Sometimes forgiveness is amazingly easy, and sometimes there are huge roadblocks.

A. Roadblocks to Forgiveness

Let’s say you know right now, today, that you need to forgive someone. Maybe it’s a parent, a friend, a neighbor, a grown-up kid. Forgiveness means release, but there may be roadblocks. Bitterness can hold you back from forgiveness. We have to view bitterness as a toxin in our spirits. Talking to God about what went wrong or a confidant who can sympathize may help us let go of bitterness.

Vindictiveness can be another roadblock. If you say you’re willing to forgive, but only after you get revenge, then there isn’t much chance you’ll forgive.

In his book Freedom of Forgiveness, David Augsburger says:

"Revenge is the most worthless weapon in the world. It ruins the avenger while more firmly confirming the enemy in his wrong. It initiates an endless flight down a bottomless stairway of rancor, reprisals, and ruthless retaliation." (p. 9)