Having affirmed that truth, we need to take the subject a step further and acknowledge that blended families face unique challenges. These challenges are reflected to some degree in David's blended family.
I mentioned last week the experience of Amnon and Tamar, both children of David but having separate mothers. Amnon, who had a passionate love for Tamar, raped her and then, his love transformed into hatred, he rejected her. Tamar's brother, Absalom, burned with a desire for revenge for two years until finally he killed Amnon for what he had done to Tamar. Conflict and violence -- a part of David's blended family (
2 Sam. 13).
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Later, when David was in the sunset of his life, one of his wives, Haggith, put forth her son Adonijah as the heir apparent to David's throne. Bathsheba, another of David's wives, found out about it and she went to David and said, "You promised that my son Solomon would be the new king, but your son Adonijah has already assumed the throne." David sided with Bathsheba and he started the procedure which would bring Solomon to the throne.
So here's the picture: at the stone of Zoheleth, the other sons of David and the royal officials were shouting, "Long live King Adonijah" while in Jerusalem, Zadok the priest and Nathan the prophet and David's closest supporters were shouting, "Long live King Solomon." Competition and division -- a part of David's blended family (
1 Kings 1).
What of the blended family today? Similar problems arise. One article offered the following list of unique problems in the blended family:
- Divided loyalties between the families which are being blended together
- Differing parenting and discipline styles
- The financial demands of a larger family
- Competition between the members of the different families which are brought into the blend
- The difficulty of co-parenting with the ex-spouses
- Favoritism of the parent toward his/her biological child
And as a result of all these factors, extraordinary Stress is placed on the mother/father who are trying to make the blended family work.
For example, a forty-one-year-old mother, divorced after fifteen years, is blending her family which consists of herself and her five-and-a-half-year-old adopted daughter with Jack's family which includes two biological daughters, ages nineteen and twenty, and an eleven-year-old adopted son. She is plagued, she confesses, by continuous contradictions. In her own words:
"I want his children to love me and be with us all the time. I do not want them at all. I want my daughter all the time, instead of 50 percent of the time. I do not want my ex-husband to father her; I want Jack to father her. I do not want my daughter at all. I want a fifth child, our child. I want no children.
I experience a complex emotional package of jealousy, anger, and fear. I am jealous of his ex-wife. I am jealous of his children, especially his two daughters. I feel inadequate; I do not bake like Kathy. I feel anger that Kathy does not work outside the home. I feel paralyzed when I see Jack's children -- inarticulate, scared. It is so much more complicated when you add the points of view of the children and Jack and the ex-husband and the ex-wife and her husband" (M. Feb, 1985, p. 40).
