At this point in the story Absalom appears to be the only redeeming male figure in the picture. This will soon change. But for the moment Absalom offers us a glimpse, although a broken glimpse, of a manhood that seeks the welfare and justice of women without being any less masculine. True masculinity does not mean dominance of nor aggression toward women.
Part of the modern males' problem with learning what it is to be a real man has been a legacy of emotionally distant fathers. For too long fathers have been emotionally absent to their sons, and to their daughters. That's definitely the case with David and his children. Theirs was a dysfunctional relationship. David was a busy father and successful at his job, but at the expense of his family. David distanced himself from his son, Absalom. He refused to see him. When Joab tried to bring them together, David ordered that Absalom was not even to enter his royal palace. He kept his emotional distance and refused to act justly within the system of his family's sexual abuse. It was five years before Absalom saw his father. And when they finally met, David retreated into his role of success and power and missed an opportunity to be simply a father to Absalom.
David had little, if any, relationship with his children except through his professional role. Like many fathers, David was wrapped up in his occupation. Father doesn't always know best! David didn't know how his absenteeism from his children would wreak havoc upon his family.
Many modern men are mourning their absent and emotionally distant fathers. The dogged pursuit of job success, along with the tendency of the male to be emotionally disconnected, is taking its toll upon the male and his family. Absent fathers can be found on all socioeconomic levels. Statisticians tell us that we are approaching the point when almost half of all North American children will be raised in essentially fatherless families for some part of their lives. Even so, a father doesn't have to be absent from the home to be emotionally and relationally absent. According to the Family Research Council, the average father spends just under eight minutes a day in direct conversation with his children, and roughly half that if his wife also works outside the home.
Fathers can be absent within the home. How many of you men, in your 30s or older, remember your father touching you or talking to you about his feelings, or remember him telling you that he loved you? What about spending time and talking with you about something other than work, cars, or sports? Some of the ways my father showed his love for me was by working to support me, buying me things I wanted, and showing me how to work on a car engine. I have no doubts about my father loving me. And his ways of expressing love were typical of the fathers of my generation and earlier. But, I would have liked to have heard him say he loved me just once and to have had him communicate it with a hug rather than a crescent wrench.
