By W. Frank Harrington
III. All Sexual Involvement Carries Responsibility!
It carries responsibility for your partner. No one has the right to use another person as a convenience. We are persons, not things. We are not inanimate objects. We are persons with feelings, created in the image of God. We need to be asking ourselves some questions:
"... are you hurting the other person? Are you exploiting the other person? Are you being honest with the other person? Are you breaking the commandment to love God and to love your neighbor?"14
All sexual involvement carries responsibility for the other person, and all sexual involvement makes us vulnerable. It is the exposure of oneself totally to another in a context of intimacy where we can be easily hurt. God help any of us who trample upon another person on that holy ground.
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Sex is more than a physical act; it involves us spiritually. Sex must be expressed within the framework of a permanent commitment, a covenant of marriage between two persons. Our bodies can never become really one unless there is spiritual oneness. A British theologian said, "Sex is to marriage what the sacraments are to Christianity: the physical expression of spiritual reality."
Even in marriage you have to work to not exploit your partner, for marriage involves mutual closeness, and willing vulnerability out of love.
I am no paragon of virtue. I am, like you, a sinner saved by grace. As I grow older, I am far less interested in justice for myself than I am for mercy for myself. I would have to echo in my own life what is reported to be the last words of John Newton, who wrote the words to the great hymn, "Amazing Grace." When he had entered that final voyage that leads home he said, "My memory is nearly gone; but I remember two things: I am a great sinner, and that Christ is a great saviour."15
When I met with the Confirmation Class last November, they had a list of questions they wanted to ask me. One of the early questions on the list was, "Dr. Harrington, did you have sex before marriage?" That's a pretty big question for a 12-year-old to ask his preacher!
I was distracted by other questions, and never did answer that question. I have since felt bad about not answering. The fact is: NO! I did not have sex with anyone before marriage. Thirty-five years ago Sara and I came to our marriage having before us the joy of discovery, which I believe is what God intended. Sara is the only one for me. The questions that flood your mind are obvious -- "Are you ever tempted?" Of course I am. I pray each day that God will keep me strong and pure -- loyal and faithful not only to my calling, but to my loved ones, my daughters, my grandchildren, and all of you! And I can tell you that the weight of all that is immense.
I commend to you by the grace of Christ a walk in holiness. If you have fallen, failed, as all of us do -- listen to these words from a godly Bishop:
"There is no situation so chaotic that God cannot, from that situation, create something that is surpassingly good. He did it at the creation. He did it at the cross. He is doing it today!"16
So, take heart, my friends, take hold! And keep the faith.
1. U.S. News and World Report, December 16, 1991, p. 90, "Teenage Sex, after Magic," article from interviews by Marc Silver and David Bowermaster.
2. Ibid., p. 90.
3. Genesis, The Communicator's Commentary. D. Stuart Briscoe, General Editor, Lloyd J. Ogilvie, (Word Book Publishers, Waco, TX, 1987), p. 52.
4. John Stott, Decisive Issues Facing Christians Today (Fleming H. Revell Company, Old Tappan, NJ, 1990), p. 345.
5. Ibid., pp. 345-346.
6. Jerry Johnson, Going All The Way (Word Books, Waco, TX, 1988), p. 10.
7. Ibid., p. 10.
8. Source unknown.
9. Newsweek, December 9, 1991, article "Safer Sex."
10. Ibid., p. 55.
11. Tim Stafford, The Sexual Christian (Victor Books, Wheaton, IL, 1989), p. 9.
12. Sol Gordon and Judith Gordon, Raising A Child Conservatively In A Sexually Permissive World (Simon and Shuster, New York, 1983), pp. 68-69.
13. John White, The Fight (Intervarsity Press, Downers Grove, IL, 1976).
14. Westheimer and Liebermann, Sex and Morality, pp. 111-112.
15. Ruth Bell Graham, Prodigals and Those Who Love Them (Focus on the Family Publishing, Colorado Springs, CO, 1991), p. 32.
16. Ibid., p. 39.
