The temptations and desolations that children can fall into in our society are mind-boggling and the forbearance and patience these call for in parents is equally mind-boggling. We have to project parables now in which the father is bringing out the third and fourthfatted calf, because he is called upon again and again to radically forgive and bless. But I'll tell you, the real horror stories are when the father cannot find the resources to do that, and instead, shuts the child out. It's not easy. It's tremendously difficult, what many parents are called on to forbear nowaday. I suggest saying to yourself: "This is a test, this is only a test." It IS a test, often a gruelling one. But what is at stake is so very, very precious. The race is won or lost in the passing of the batton, from generation to generation. If you drop it between you and your children, it is a great, great loss. We really have to keep a fatted calf in the freezer at all times, so to speak.
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The dominant image of God is that of a father. This is because men have the most power in our society, which also means they have the most power to bless. It is very important to children to have the blessing of the father. Without it, they are mentally, emotionally and in one way or another also physically deeply, deeply hurt. The pain and damage of this lack of the father's blessing can be overcome, but only with tremendous struggle and only because the love of God the Father can compensate for any and all loss, finally. But even God wrestles with this one. The very last verse in the very last book of the Old Testament is about this. The last word spoken on the coming of the new age is: "Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the great and terrible day of the Lord comes. And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the land with a curse" (Malachi 4:5-6).
We have tended to fill our children with shame, because a shamed child is more easily dominated and controlled. We need rather to fill them with blessing, and that simply means forgiveness, love and the intense focus of our gracious presence with them. Sure, we don't always know HOW to do that. William Sloane Coffin, Jr. talked once about the time he almost died of a combination of pleurisy and pneumonis, and for days he was barely conscious. Every day his father quietly entered the room, pulled up a chair and said; "Don't say a word, son. I'm just going to sit here with you." And he'd take his hand without himself saying another word. We depend so heavily on words in our society. We think if we can't communicate with words, there's nothing else to do there. But the strongest communication is non-verbal. About that silent presence of his father in the room, Coffin said: "It was consolation itself." And he went on to say: "That's the way it is with Emmanuel, God with us."
It is rare indeed to have the power to mirror the presence of God Almighty in a human relationship. This is the power a father has with his children. And you don't have to know what to do. The thing is in being there. Staying there, constant through it all. That's a lot, but it may be the ultimate blessing. "Bless me father" is the ultimate confession and the ultimate prayer.
So it is most appropriate that we all pray to our "Father" in heaven, to bless all fathers, who hold the power of enabling each generation to pass on the blessing, by blessing their own children. May God bless the fathers, so that they have the strength, forbearance, forgiveness, love, patience and time to rejoice in the great power they have to bless. May they give this blessing, which is indeed their children's birthright.
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Kathy Peterson is Pastor of Palos United Methodist Church in Palos Heights, IL.
