That is what is happening to the woman who has quite bluntly told her husband of some fifteen years, "You're a nice guy. I like you a whole lot. You're just not successful enough for me. You don't make enough money. I'm going to find someone who can provide the lifestyle I deserve." Don't get shocked. I know a woman who said exactly those words to her husband, and I watched her walk away, leaving the one she called "Mr. Wrong," thinking she had found "Mr. Right." Actually, she was not much more aware of what was attracting her to him than she was to what had attracted her to her first husband. And how my heart broke as I watched those kids, the puzzled expressions on their faces, watching Mommy take off with this new guy. She wants them to call him "Daddy," when they know who their real daddy is.
And I don't need to reverse the story, talking about men walking off and leaving their wives of many years for newer and younger models. We see plenty of that.
The truth is that we may very well marry for the wrong reasons. The truth is that we may very well do it over again, and even again, in a restless search for the perfect person.
Another sad truth is that our society has now begun to endorse this as a valid way of doing business. Careful studies show that each subsequent endeavor to find the right person only exponentially increases the potential for divorce.
Myth #3 is the Everyone Who Looks Happy Is Happy myth.
Not everyone who looks happy is happy. You know that. I know that. We know that in general, don't we? It certainly is so easy to be jealous of another couple's apparent problemless existence. Isn't it amazing how green the pasture looks on the other side of the fence?
I remember a couple of whom I was jealous. He was handsome and well-educated. She was physically gorgeous and seemed to be the perfect mother. They had a beautiful house, cars and an airplane. Wherever he went, doors of influence and power were opened to him. They took exotic vacations. They were able to charter their own yachts with full crew. They were Christians, active in their church and generous with their money.
Little did I realize that these two, who looked so happy on the surface, were caged in a relationship of mutual misery. His success orientation was devouring him. He didn't have the time for intimacy. She, hungry for attention, hungry for caring, began to find solace in that discreetly hidden bottle of wine, from which that equally discreetly hidden glass was kept perpetually filled, and from which she ever-so-discreetly sipped through the long, lonesome hours, day after day, when the kids were at school and the husband at work. Little did I know that this couple was so unhappy.
What had made her attractive to him made her attractive to other men. The affirmation that she used to get from his compliments about her beauty she began to find from another and yet another. Ultimately, ever-so-discreetly, she ended up in the arms of another, not his. When he found out, it was over! For, as he saw it, she was the bad person. He was the good person. He demonized her, excusing himself because he had been faithful to her. He wasn't about to go for counsel, and the marriage broke up. For years now, he, having learned the hard way, is scared of commitment and goes from one woman to another. And she from the arms of one man to another. Those of us who thought they were so happy and wished we had all they had going for us, said, "Isn't that too bad." And we found another couple to idealize. We settle in, wishing we could have all the happiness they have, and we will continue to hold them high until something happens to burst our new fantasy bubble.
