I will be the first to admit that Anne and I were quite well suited for each other in many, many ways. In other ways, we weren't. We have had to learn how to cope with this. I thank God that He brought us together, but the proverbial "storybook marriage" is actually that--just a story, fictional in nature.
Myth #2 is the There's A More Perfect Person Out There myth.
This is a natural extension of the first myth. When you discover that Mr. Perfect isn't so perfect and Mrs. Perfect isn't so perfect, there is a human tendency to wonder if perhaps one married the wrong person.
Think back to the circumstances under which you married, if you are or have been married. I am speaking now primarily to persons who are married or have been married, although there are very serious implications for those who are in the process of selecting a mate. The reason I am reserving this to those of us who are married or have been married is that hindsight brings with it an amazingly accurate insight, compared to feelings of the present.
Advertisement
Be honest with yourself. Why did you marry that man? What did you think you could get from him? Why did you marry that woman? What did you see in her? What could she give you? Some of us will have to scratch our memories a bit. We are now 10, 20, 30, 40 to 50 years beyond that important decision. You see how culturally conditioned that decision was. He met a role expectation, didn't he? She met a role expectation, didn't she? He looked like he would be so successful. She was so pretty. He was such an athlete. Your mother said he was better for you than the other guy. Your parents said that she came from such a good home. Think of all the bartering that goes on in our minds. For some of us, we lived in a time when couples just naturally got married at the time they graduated from high school or college. So what did they do? Some just married the person they happened to be going with at that point in life. Just think of what that is. Here we are between age 18 and 25, seeing the world from that limited perspective and blurred somewhat by that crazy mix of hormones.
Twenty-two years ago, I returned to my 25th reunion of my high school graduating class. It just so happened that my daughter, Suzanne, attended it with me. Two of my old girlfriends were at the reunion. Was it ever embarrassing for me to try to explain to Suzanne why I had broken up with one girl for another. She had heard me talk about both of them. After seeing them both, 25 years later, it was quite clear that good old Dad didn't have his head screwed on quite as straight as the family folklore he handed down had implied.
So, perhaps years later, we wake up to the reality that we married a person for the wrong reasons. We can equate that fact with the myth that we, therefore, married the wrong person. Out there somewhere is Mr. Perfect or Ms. Perfect. At the earliest opportunity, we will find that one. In the meantime, let's get rid of this problem character who wasn't right in the first place, who was chosen for some very wrong reasons.
