Myths That Can Destroy A Marriage

Have nothing to do with profane myths and old wives' tales. Train yourself in godliness . . .

It started out one kind of an evening, and it ended up another.

Anne and I were out for dinner. It was a pleasant time with a couple who periodically attended St. Andrew's and another couple who were hosting the four of us in their home.

The hors d'oeuvres were tasty and the conversation sprightly. We sat down at the dining room table, so artistically set, and continued our wide-ranged conversation over a delicious meal.

Advertisement

Then, suddenly, it happened! As we nibbled away at our cheesecake and sipped our coffee, the host looked up, with his eyes riveted first on mine and then on Anne's and then back at mine. With emphatic yet puzzled inflection, he articulated the big question: "Why are so many marriages of people who seem so together so successful at breaking up? We are so shocked when friends of years, with whom we have been together so frequently socially, who seem so happy together, suddenly announce, 'It's over!'"

I stumbled around for some answers. After all, that's my business, isn't it?

Anne also tried to answer. After all, she's been to seminary and is a practicing marriage and family counselor, as well as psychoanalyst.

We both gave our answers. Frankly, some of them were very good. But ever since that evening in which the conversation suddenly shifted gears, making it one of those never-to-be-forgotten occasions when the six of us got right down to basics, I have been searching my brain, searching life, asking questions of others, and asking questions of God. Through prayer and through the searching of Scriptures, I have endeavored to figure out just why so many marriages of people who seem so together and so successful are breaking up.

I believe that I have come across some answers and also some solutions. These are not final answers; nor are they final solutions. Relationships do not lend themselves easily to once-and-for-all, true statements that guarantee happiness and wholeness. At least I am able to share some insights to challenge you and me to further reflection.

I am convinced that many marriages break up because they are built on mythical foundations.

What do I mean? There are myths, generally accepted statements or propositional foundations for life, that are accepted by some of us that can gradually work away on our inner psyche, ultimately causing us marital disruption.

The Bible is God's Word to you and me. It doesn't tell us everything about God. It doesn't tell us everything about ourselves. It doesn't tell us everything about each other. But the Bible does tell us everything we need to know about how to get along with God, with ourselves and with each other. The Bible is a textbook of reality therapy. It is not a compilation of naive idealisms that spiritualize life, painting fantasies that do not square with reality.