Not only that, husbands ought to love their wives as their own body. Listen: “He who loves his wife loves himself” (Eph. 5:28). Why? Why does he love himself? Why does he love his wife as if he’s loving himself? Because they’re inextricably bound up in each other, but also because he understands something. What he understands is this: if it is true that he loves himself, and he should love his neighbor as himself, then it’s perfectly obvious that his wife is his closest neighbor.

Historically, biblically, we have two great commandments. In recent years, psychologists have found a third one that has nothing to do with the Bible. Biblically, the first commandment is “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God, with all thy heart and mind, and soul and strength.” The second commandment is thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. The third command, that psychologists have found, is: thou shalt learn to love thyself.

Now the big deal that I hear all the time is this: Well, I can’t love my neighbor because I haven’t yet learned to love myself, so I’m working on loving myself. Now, I understand about self hatred, and I understand about real guilt and false guilt, and I understand about nurture and nature, and all the garbage that people get, and how screwed up they get about thinking about themselves. But to say that you’ve got to learn to love yourself before you love your neighbor is sheer baloney!

The Bible is pointing out to us is something we all know: that all of us are innately, inherently absorbed with ourselves as our prime concern. That’s the way we are, particularly men. If I am inherently, innately regarding myself as a prime concern, I might actually begin to grow up through the ministry of grace in my life, and actually get the strange idea that other people might be as important as I am! Then I begin to love my neighbor as I love myself.

So men, “Love your wife, as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.” Love your wife as a man loves his body, as a head would love the body, as recognizing her as being utterly indispensable, and then love your wife as you love yourself. Regard yourself innately and inherently as of prime importance, and begin to see her in exactly the same light.

Some of you are saying, “Stuart, we know you believe the Bible. We know you know all this stuff, and we know it’s your job as a preacher to tell us all this stuff, but come on, man, get real! This is all so idealistic!” I don’t dispute, it’s idealistic, but let me tell you something. You need ideals, because if you ignore ideals you’ll settle for that which is unacceptable, and call it real. If you don’t have ideals, there’s no possibility of growth, there’s no possibility of maturity; if there’s no possibility of maturity, there’s no possibility of development. You stay in the morass of mediocrity and excuse it as the real world. Always remember, he who aims at nothing, will hit it!

Scripture isn’t just talking ideals; it is presenting us with truth and then saying, “Here’s the truth, and here’s the means to do it.” For this is lived “in the fullness of the Spirit.” This is all dependent on living in the fullness of the Spirit.

So, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord,” in the context of us all being submitted to each other. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church.” I don’t know if you ever realized this, but love and submission are basically the same thing! It’s just submitting one to the other because we regard the other as of prime importance.

Let’s just spend a few minutes thinking quietly about some things. Here’s the first thing: is my view of marriage a biblical view or is it a twenty-first century secular view?

Here’s something else to think about. If I accept the biblical view, how adequately am I fulfilling my role as outlined in Scripture?

Third, as I consider how adequately I’m fulfilling my role, are there grounds for confession and repentance and rectification?

Fourth, do I understand what it means to live in dependence upon God's Spirit who indwells me because I’ve submitted my life to the lordship of Christ?

“Lord, you know the ponderings of our hearts. You know the decisions that we need to make. Our prayer is very simple: By your gracious Holy Spirit lead us to do what is right, that we might live well and bring You glory and be a blessing. We pray in the Name of Christ, our Lord! Amen.”