By John A. Huffman Jr.
Senior Pastor of St. Andrews Presbyterian Church in Newport Beach, CA.
And whoever does not provide for relatives, and especially for family members, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (1 Timothy 5:8)
The Bible has much to say about family living. The more you get to know of the biblical characters, you discover how earthy and fallible they were. That in itself is encouraging, isn’t it?
One of the most challenging verses in the Bible is 1 Timothy 5:8. It reads, “And whoever does not provide for relatives, and especially for family members, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” On more than one occasion, the Apostle Paul not only instructs us as to our family responsibilities, but he chides followers of Jesus whose performance in this area is at a lower standard than those of pagan men and women in the surrounding culture. How sad it is when we neglect to give a high quality provision, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, for our own family members.
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As one father and husband, let me share several lessons I’ve learned in 67 years of living, 43 years of marriage and 40 years of parenting.
Lesson 1: My wife and children are as uniquely created and special as I am.
Or another way of stating this is that I have learned, sometimes the hard way, the importance of humility.
A very important fact of life is that the world does not revolve around me! I know that academically. But sometimes, existentially, I forget this.
Do you not agree with me that each of us tends to be the center of our own universe? Each of us has to work at getting outside of ourselves to see life as it is, independent of how it impacts us from our self-centered perspective.
How easy it is to want one’s children and spouse to do what we want them to do and be what we want them to be. When I succumb to this self-centered perspective, I become a control freak, using subtle and not-so-subtle methods of manipulating others to carry out my wishes. In the process, I forget Suzanne, Carla, Janet and now Janet’s husband, Ryan, and our new grandson, Owen, are just as special in the eyes of God as am I. I need to remember they are no less important than am I. The flip side of this is they are no more important in the eyes of God than am I.
I cannot control, and I should not want or be able, to control them. I function best as a husband and a father when I am reminded at a deep visceral level of my existence that all men, women, and children are created equal and are just as special as am I. When I live in that reality, I am able to see myself as more special than I would be if I’m playing that power game, brokering my desires and wishes to front and center.