Think about your dad today -- who he is/was, what he is/was like, what kind of relationship you had/have to him. We also need to think about our role as fathers -- not about our father, but our fathering.

I remember how overwhelmed I was when our first child was born -- the sheer responsibility of being a father. This is when I bought my first life insurance to protect Barbara and Nancy if something happened to me.

All three of our children are grown and I often think of ways in which I fall short as a father. I was away from home too much, working. It's bad enough to neglect your children for work but there's a temptation to think if you work for the church it doesn't count as neglect if you're working for God. This is not true. Whether you are a Baptist preacher or franchise Pizza Huts, if you neglect your children, it's not a good thing.

Another thing is, I didn't realize how quickly they would grow up. Time seems to move slowly but one day I turned around and they were grown. One thing I can pass on to you from my mistakes is I underestimated the pressures my children would get from outside my family. When a child is small, you think God has given you a piece of putty to mold into everything that child ought to be. You discover soon the putty has a will of its own and will stand in the middle of the kitchen floor with hands on hips, look you in the eye and say "No." You can survive that if your ego is strong.

You often learn too late there are other people working on the putty, too -- tremendous influences from schoolmates and from society. Our family is at the place now where we like to spend time together, and I am grateful for that. There was a time when the children didn't have time for us. All of us fathers need to think about our role as fathers -- some with regret and some with anticipation.

The story in the text gives us clues for building relationships with our children. It is primarily the story of God's love for us but by using an idealized father for the parable, Jesus taught us words we can say to our children that will help build relationships. I've picked out of this story four things we need to say to our children as fathers or mothers. Each of them has three words so I'm going to load you down with twelve heavy words.

The first words are, "You are free." These are the "letting go" words. When rearing children you have to learn some "letting go" words.

The second set of words are, "I love you." These are the bonding words. Many things bond you to your children but the main adhesive in the bonding process is love.

The third set of words are, "All is forgiven." These are the reconciling words. In relationships you need "starting over" words -- ways of beginning again with your children and with your parents.

The last words are, "I enjoy you." These are the words of celebration. Relationships are to be enjoyed. If you can take these four sets of words, learn to say them, to feel them and learn to act them out in your relationship with your children, you will discover tremendous power in building relationships with them.