Then Lewis goes on to make an interesting point. He notes a strange similarity between this lowest form of love, affection, and the highest form of love, agape: both agape and affection love the unlovely. But he quickly points out the crucial difference between the two loves: while God's agape love is unconditional, affection attaches the condition that the one we love must not change, in order that we might remain comfortable and our life be untroubled.

It reminds me of that silly thing high school students write in each other's yearbooks: "Don't ever change!" God is in the business of changing people.

When a familiar person changes, particularly a spouse or someone very close to you, relationships become stressed. My wife, Becky, and I have been married for thirty-one years, and sometimes she gets these passions for things. I'll share her current enthusiasm with you. She has befriended a group of rock musicians who come through Atlanta from time to time. They have a standing invitation to stay at our house when they are in town. Well, early this morning as I was going to church, they were coming in. They play gigs in Atlanta and are friends of my daughters. A big van containing all their gear is parked out in front of our house. Their name is "Cast Iron Filter," and I want you to buy their stuff ... so that they can afford to stay in a hotel. (Really, they're a great bunch of guys.)

There is a spiritual parallel to this story: when a spouse suddenly develops a new spiritual passion, it puts a similar stress on a relationship. I have witnessed the following scenario again and again in my ministry. A couple has been married for 25 years. For 25 years they have been reading the same books; they have been watching the same television shows; they have been going to bed at the same time; they have been getting up at the same time. Suddenly, one of them becomes a serious Christian, begins attending Bible studies, and starts reading different books. This couple has a 25-year ritual: they sleep in on Sundays, enjoy breakfast in bed, read the New York Times from cover to cover, and go for a long walk. Now, suddenly, she is getting up at the crack of dawn and heading down to Peachtree for worship on Sunday morning. The man thinks, "Who stole my wife? I hope this is just a phase. What is this religion stuff?" You see, it is very difficult to allow those we love to metamorphose into the persons God wants them to become.

William Willimon, Dean of the Chapel at Duke University, tells of receiving a phone call one day from a very irate father. The caller exploded on the other end of the line, telling Will furiously, "I hold you personally responsible for this!" He was angry because his graduate school-bound daughter had decided to (in his words) "throw it all away and go and do mission work in Haiti with the Presbyterian Church." The father screamed, "Isn't that absurd! She has a B.S. degree from Duke, and she is going to dig ditches in Haiti! I hold you responsible for this!" Willimon said, "Why me?" The father said, "You ingratiated yourself and filled her mind with all this religion stuff."