Marriage and Divorce: Wedding Bells and Legal Bills (Matthew 19:3-6)
By Robert R. Kopp
A wife asked her husband over a candlelight dinner, "If I die, will you remarry?" "Probably," the man replied rather matter-of-factly. "Will you live in the same house?" the wife asked. "Probably," the man repeated. "Well," the increasingly irritated woman asked, "Will you give her my jewelry?" "Probably," he said. "My car?" "Probably." "My clothes?" "Probably." "My golf clubs?" "No," the man answered, "She's left-handed."
That story would be a lot funnier if so many folks didn't relate to it. As it is, that story strikingly illustrates the duplicity -- double-minded, double-tongued, double-dealing, deceptiveness -- that plagues modern marriages.
"Couples marry with joy, hope, and promises of 'till death do us part,'" observed James M. Efird (
Marriage and Divorce, 1985), "but all too frequently they end the marriage citing 'irreconcilable differences,' 'unfaithfulness,' 'incompatibility,' and many more reasons." Or as Eric Felack recently said to me, "Marriage is like flies on a screen. Fifty percent want in. Fifty percent want out."
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It's hard to believe the same couples who gawk and giggle during courting days to nauseating degrees become so caustic and cruel in the courts that end their relationships. It's no wonder one band leader told his musicians before every wedding reception, "Always play your best because one out of every five brides gets married again."
Too many legal bills follow too quickly after wedding bells. We've heard the sad song Neil Diamond and Barbra Streisand sang:
You don't say you need me.You don't sing me love songs.You don't bring me flowers anymore.Gordon Lightfoot crooned, "
I don't know where we went wrong but the feeling's gone and I just can't get it back." No wonder
The Bridges of Madison County was so popular. It's so real.
Divorce is a deadly disease. Not one of us is immune to its threat. One of my best friends went through a divorce about ten years ago. He came from a good home. His mom and dad enjoyed over 50 years of marriage. His brother was happily married. He didn't believe in divorce. But as I've had to say too many times in my study. "It takes two to dance. I can't make your spouse love you. I can't make your spouse stay married to you. I can ask the right questions. I can offer some advice. We can pray. But when it's all said and done, it takes two to make a marriage."
My friend's mom was against the marriage. I told him in seminary that nobody thought it would last. I suggested he bail out before accepting a call. But he got married and stayed married because he was committed to the marriage even though it became increasingly apparent that his wife had other things on her mind.
The whole idea of family took a back seat to her vocational goals, personal goals, and other selfish concerns. Indeed, church members often told my friend, "When your wife wants something, she's really nice. But if she doesn't want anything, she acts like we're dirt under her feet."