By William R. Bouknight
The great Protestant reformer Martin Luther lost a son. His wife Katie shouted at him, “Where was God when our son died?” Martin replied, “The same place he was when his Son died. He was there watching and weeping.”1
St. Paul had some kind of physical ailment that brought his ministry to a complete halt at times. He called it "a thorn in the flesh." Some experts believe that he suffered from migraine headaches or a painful Mediterranean virus that caused blindness. St. Paul asked God three times to remove it. But God, who had healed other people when Paul had asked, did not heal Paul. Instead, God said to Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you . . . " (II Cor. 12:9) St. Paul received no adequate answer for this debilitating condition, just an assurance of the presence and power of the risen Christ.
Advertisement
We are growing spiritually when we can say sincerely, “I don’t know what tomorrow may bring, be it good or bad. But with God’s help, I can cope with anything.”
Don’t be surprised by feelings relating to grief
Job’s feelings were like those most of us experience following a significant loss . . . all over the map. Unbearable pain, anger, denial, resentment, apathy, and withdrawal.
Recently Brian Griese, a National Football League quarterback, talked about his feelings from 16 years ago when he, then a 12-year-old, lost his mother to cancer. He said, “I was angry. Angry at society for not being able to cure cancer. Angry at God for taking away someone who was so good to so many different people. And I was angry at myself for not being a better son.”2
Often a grieving person feels intense guilt. “If only I had done this or that, it might not have happened.”
Sometimes this awful thought creeps into our heads — perhaps God is punishing me. That was the message Job’s so-called friends tried to lay on him, but Job would not accept it. And God sided with Job.
Remember, even though all sin brings suffering, not all suffering is due to sin. Jesus was sinless, but he suffered. You will divide your grief in half if you can separate it from any sense of guilt.3
It is true that time is a great healer, but time can also set ambushes. When the anniversary of a death or divorce rolls around, the pain may stab like a knife out of the dark.4
Don’t be surprised by strange and diverse feelings you have about your loss. You need at least one or two close friends who will listen patiently as you express those feelings.
Stay close enough to God to let Him mend your heart
One of Satan’s favorite techniques is to slip up to a grieving person and tell this bald-faced lie: “If God really loved you, He would have prevented your loss. Therefore, you should be angry with God. Have nothing to do with him.”