Twenty-five year itch

What happens to marriages after 25 years? Why is it that there is a peak in the divorce rate around this time? It is not difficult to ascertain: children have left home and you are left with your spouse and, for some, it is like living with a stranger! My mother said to me on the day my wife and I were married: 'Remember that Rosemary is your friend, and when the children are grown up and gone, she is the one you have left.' (Of course, there were no children then! But you understand what she meant!). It doesn't sound very romantic, I suppose, but I think about it a lot. I think about it more and more each day.

Now, what this passage is saying is simple enough: take pleasure in your spouse, at every level! The imagery of fresh water and fountains is meant to underline the sweetness of a healthy, monogamous sexual relationship. But, I think we can take it in a broader way that that.

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When was the last time you took your wife out on a date? Do you still date her regularly? Treat your spouse as special! You should treat your spouse as God treats you. For men, especially, that means treating your wife as 'heirs with you of the grace of life' (1 Pet. 3:7). As an heir of heaven. As royalty! Deserving of every honor and every respect and every courtesy. Not as chattels, but princesses! I remember a former colleague's wife wrote a note to her husband every day on the napkin she enclosed with his lunch! He would read it to us sometimes whenever we ate together. It was one of those gushing moments! Over the top? Perhaps. But beautiful nevertheless.

One of the most famous philosophers and theologians of the nineteenth century was the Danish theologian, Soren Kierkegaard. He once wrote about Martin Luther's marriage to his dear Kate, "It is only important that Luther had married. It is quite unimportant whom. He could have married a door post." Kierkegaard was a bachelor! I mention Luther because of the evident love he had for his wife (and hers for him). The letters they wrote to each other are wonderful. He called her 'the theologian' and 'Lord Katie.' In one of them he begins the letter, "My beloved one. My dearest one. Whom I wouldn't change for Venice or Florence or France or anything."

Pleasing God

'For a man's ways are before the eyes of the Lord, and he ponders all his paths' (5:21).

For the Lord's sake! That's the motivation: for the honor of God, because God's glory is at stake in our marriages. It's not about me and my needs; it's about God and His glory.

Isn't it interesting to see what happened in David's heart? According to 2 Samuel 12:10, he 'despised the Lord.' That night of passion was actually a way of saying, 'I despise God and his ways.' He counted his own satisfaction of greater worth than God's word and honor. And that's a recipe for disaster — always! Always!

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Derek Thomas is Professor of Practical Theology at Reformed Theological Seminary, Jackson, Mississippi and Minister of Teaching at First Presbyterian Church, Jackson, Mississippi.

1 All Scripture citations are taken from the English Standard Version.