'I Don't Love You Anymore': Maintaining Sweetness in Your Marriage
• Blessing resides in the man who is "exhilarated always with her love" (5:19).
It is a chapter that warns of God's disapproval and punishment of promiscuity, of what Peter refers to as "those fleshly lusts which war against the soul" (1 Pet. 2:11). For that reason, this chapter seems particularly relevant and needful in our own time as it must have been when first written, some three thousand years ago.
Several important lessons emerge:
Give me wisdom!
I believe all men and women have this in common: that they want to be happy. They do not all agree on what brings the greatest happiness, but they do all long to have it. I am certain this is as true for you as it is for me. And this longing is not in itself bad. Evil consists in trying to find happiness in ways that displease and dishonor God, not in seeking happiness itself. It is possible to conceive of a world in which we might be called upon to do the right thing at the expense of our ultimate happiness. But that is not the world in which we live. God has established this world in such a way that doing good through faith in Christ always leads to greater happiness eventually. We do not live in a world where we must choose between our eternal happiness and God's glory! God has created this world and its moral laws in such a way that the more we choose to glorify God, the happier we will be.
This is true in our marriages. We can only be happy in our marriage so long as we 'get wisdom' (Prov. 4:5). Now when the book of Proverbs talks about 'wisdom' it isn't thinking of the kind of wisdom that may be required for a PhD thesis! We tend to think of wisdom that way, as something erudite and designed only for a very few to know and understand. On the contrary, the word 'wisdom' (hokmah) is a word the Hebrews used for a combination of observation, careful plan, prudent conduct and sensitivity to God's will. It is what the book of Proverbs sometimes calls "understanding," or "instruction," or "proverb." It isn't trying to train people for Phi Beta Kappa, but for everyday life; to practice the fundamental virtues, in this case, to marriage and sex.
How can you acquire this wisdom? The answer to that is astonishingly simple: desire wisdom with all of your heart. Proverbs 4:8 says, "Prize her [wisdom] highly and she will exalt you; she will honor you for your embrace." To prize something and to embrace someone are signs of intense desire and love. In a chapter that wants to speak about sexual desire and fulfillment, it uses emotionally charged language about embracing wisdom first! 'Attend unto my wisdom, bow your ear to my understanding' (5:1).