A friend of mine suggests the three most important words in the English language are in this order: 1. Attitude; 2. Attitude; 3. Attitude.

Truth is important. To have a good attitude but to not be in touch with reality is unfortunate. However, the flipside is just as true. To speak the truth but to do it in a hard, brittle, uncaring, unloving attitude is to destroy, not to build up.

Paul suggests that as we speak the truth that truth be undergirded by three attitudes.

First, we are to be kind. I am amazed at what I am able to hear that is unpleasant from others when they approach me with kindness. I don't mean soft, sticky, sweet talk in which they assure me that what they are saying is said in love when I can sense the hostility that propels what are simply artificial words of kindness. I am talking about that genuine openness that does not see oneself any better than the other.

The attitude with which we express the Gospel, that Truth, is going to be a very important element in how it is received. If we do it in superiority, talking down to people, they'll be turned off. If we do it in inferiority, hostilely demanding our moment in the sun, that will also repel people. If we share the truth in love, with kindness, someone is going to be much more open to receive it.

Two, we are to be compassionate. This means to identify with the other person and their needs. If you are a child of any age, trying to convey truth to a parent of any age, try to understand how that parent feels, what has made up his or her background.

Be aware that even those things they've done wrong didn't come out of a vacuum. The Scriptures tell us that the sins of one generation are visited on the second and third generation. How they wronged you most likely is an area in which they themselves have been wronged. Where they have been insensitive to you may very well be an area in which they were treated with insensitivity.

And if you are a parent talking to a child, no matter how wrong that child may be in what they are doing or thinking, ask God to help you be compassionate. Ask God to give you an understanding heart in which you are able to walk a mile or two in their moccasins, giving them as much freedom to mess up as God has given you. That's the attitude of compassion. Don't avoid the truth. Don't avoid speaking the truth. Do it with compassion.

Three, we are to be forgiving. Be forgiving "... just as in Christ God forgave you." I've seen situation after situation in which a parent refuses to forgive a child and a child refuses to forgive a parent. And I've observed the helplessness in the face of the person who yearns to be forgiven for their sins of omission and their sins of commission. They know the Lord's forgiven them but how helpless to know there is nothing I can do to get that parent or child or husband or wife to forgive.

Jesus, in His Sermon on the Mount, tells us that before we ask Him for forgiveness, go and forgive the one who sinned against us. He doesn't say, "Wait until you understand all the implications of their sin." He doesn't say, "Wait until they grovel at your feet, telling you how bad they were." He is saying that until you let go of what you rightfully could hold against each other, you'll never experience the fullness of what it is to have God let go of what He has already let go of on the cross in your behalf.

Enact an attitude for both mother and children that will create joyful motherhood. With God's help, don't be on the attack or don't be on the defensive. Healthful communication is open communication. It's not one up or down. It's two equals who are sharing honestly of their feelings, and even where they disagree, they do it in love.

Remember the importance of differentiation. You are not your parent. You are not your child. Both of you are created as individuals who will never think and feel the same way on everything. Don't expect your mother, who was conditioned culturally in a different time than you, to fully understand the complexities of your thought-forms and understandings of life. And don't expect your child to be just the same as you.

Finally, be willing to stay in loving contact, even as you're willing to give full freedom to the other. You can disagree without a divorce. You can disagree in the parent-child relationship without threatening to sever the relationship, if you can't somehow get it all perfectly together. It is possible to agree to disagree, giving the gift of freedom, at the same time that you are willing to give the gift of continual, loving relationship.

I'd like to wrap up the package of this message with beautiful paper, a ribbon, and a fancy bow. I can't. But I can guarantee that if you take this word seriously and allow it to be applied to your life by the Holy Spirit, the words of our text will be fulfilled. "Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old" (Proverbs 23:22). "May your father and mother be glad; may she who gave you birth rejoice" (Proverbs 23:25).