It is a scene relished by the modern artist. Dali or Picasso would have made good work of it. Imagine an overloaded dinner table positioned directly in front of one's foes. There it is, evidence that the contradiction is still at work -- banqueting in bad company.

It has been now a few years since my best friend turned on me. He did it first with subtlety, then with an open slash of malice. His bitings dug deeply, not only into my flesh but that of my family as well.

I had never dreamed that our friendship would end in such a violent rupture of the heart. Nevertheless, looking back on it all, I realize that that, too, was simply one more complication of existence which had to be gone through. The passing of time practically guaranteed it.

I recall in Bible studies afterward asking the adults if they had personally experienced betrayal. Most of the younger ones looked at me with blank faces. Most of the older ones immediately shook their heads with understanding.

Yet enough time has passed even further for the betrayal to give way to something else. It is the banquet table. I could not have provided it. It could have been brought to pass only by God.

Back then when being betrayed, I thought at times that the end of the world had come for me. I know that that sounds melodramatic; nevertheless, though corny it may sound at first, the impact of betrayal did bring about such utter confusion in darkness. No doubt this was heightened by my former friend taking with him a number of others I had counted on as friends.

The betrayal brought many feelings to the surface. I was mad. I was pained. I wanted to crawl into some warm womb once more for protection from the outside world. I avoided social contact with anyone so as to lead to suspicions of friendship building. I attempted to make ways of solitude which I had not dug out before.

One of the most primary emotions was revenge. I wanted to get even, to settle the score, to pronounce justice. I was anxious to take matters into my own hands so as to bend the crooked straight in my favor once again.

Consequently, I was not all that patient with the timing of God. I indeed thought Him to be too slow. Where in fact was He? Why didn't He hurry up so as to get things back in order so that I could get on with happiness and laughter?

Languishing in desperation for months on end left me exhausted. Looking back, I realize all the more how slowly the strength began to come back. And through it all, I was attempting in my own way to do my enemy some harm as well as set some sort of banqueting table for me and mine. After all, life was to be lived, eventually, somehow. And I would have to see to it myself. God did not seem to be that efficient about the catering.

Now all that may seem somewhat strange coming from a pastor. Yet, being honest with you, I have to tell you how it was. For being vulnerable to the enemy of our souls as well as to the complications of human personality, I trekked my way through an empty desert in search of food.