By Gary C. Redding
Entirely too little attention is being focused upon need for love, trust, intimacy, forgiveness, patience, listening, and understanding, while too much discussion has been offered on "who's in charge?"
The necessity of two incomes to support our lifestyles, the prevalance of day care centers, the development of incredibly efficient household appliances, and conveniences all around have certainly intensified the debate.
It is interesting that the Bible never gives a job description for any responsibility it defines. In the cases of pastor, teacher, husband, or wife, the Bible only sets forth the qualifications, requirements, goals, and purposes for the persons assuming those responsibilities. Precisely how the responsibility is to be fulfilled, however, is left open to the "free will" of the parties involved.
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For instance, the qualifications of pastors and deacons are set forth in
I Timothy 3. In
Ephesians 4, the aim of the pastoral ministry is expressed as "building up the body of Christ."
Yet, nowhere are specific assignments given. I understand that to mean that a pastor does what needs to be done -- in different settings and under varying conditions -- in order to build up the church.
In
Genesis 2-
3, the qualifications of husbands and wives are set forth. He is to leave his father and mother in order that he may be completely devoted to his wife. She is to be his helper.
The aim of marriage is clearly to provide a context in which the man and woman can be fruitful and multiply. They are also to be equal partners in the dominion over the earth.
Yet nowhere are specific assignments given to the husband and the wife. I understand that to mean that a husband and wife do what has to be done in order to fulfill the goals and purposes of marriage. In that light, there is no place for the "who's boss at our house" debate since both are living for God and not for themselves.
Not long ago, a husband said: "If I am in charge, I expect my word to be final." By that, he meant that everyone in his family did as he told them to do. His words, "I am in charge," stuck with me -- perhaps because I am not in charge, in that sense, in my home.
That man is a business executive. I have talked with him about his career. He believes that every employee's first loyalty is to the company. If something needs to be done, the employee takes care of it, whether or not it is her assigned responsibility. The company philosophy is that every employee is equally responsible for the success of the company.
However, at home he is a different man. His "I am in charge" attitude translates into a definitive line of demarcation, based largely upon seniority and sex. He does what the man is supposed to do, and his wife does what the wife is expected to do. To cross those assigned lines is absolutely unthinkable!