From the vast wisdom of Larry the cable guy . . .
1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
10. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
11. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
12. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
13. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.