Humor

Back Page Pulpit: Sermons over an Open Flame

Who knew barbecue and preaching had so much in common?
What my father means to me
The National Center for Fathering conducts Father of the Year Essay Contests in partnership with local schools and sponsoring organizations. In 2005, eight contests were held and altogether, over 100,000 school children submitted essays on the topic, "What my Father Means to Me." Below is a samplin
Top 10 Signs Your Presidential Candidate is Under-Qualified
10. He promises to improve foreign relations with Hawaii.9. He runs a series of attack ads against Martin Sheen's character on "The West Wing."8. His #1 choice for a position on his cabinet is "That Bob Vila guy."7. His outstanding record as Governor of Rhode Island is nullified by the fact that no
Actual Signs from Hotels around the World
In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing is please not to read notis. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter l
The Dying Man and Cookies
An elderly man was at home, upstairs, dying in bed. He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking. He wanted one last cookie before he died. He fell out of bed, crawled to the landing, rolled down the stairs and crawled into the kitchen where his wife was busily baking cookies.
Science Test Answer
The following are actual submissions on a series of science quizzes, tests, and essays: "Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state." "H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water." "To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube." "When you smell
Translating Christianese
The Evangelical Press Association (EPA) website recently shared the following: Christianese is a language used in the Christian subculture and understood easily only by other practicing Christians. As Christian communicators it's important to avoid words in our writing that could be misunderstood or
Proverbs from Fourth Graders
A 4th grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each child in the class the first half of the proverb, and asked them to come up with the rest.Here is what they came up with:   Better to be safe than punch a 5th grader Strike while the bug is close. It's always darkest before da
Signs your SUV is too big
• When you replaced your tires, Goodyear stock went up five dollars a share for the quarter. • Your garage is larger than your house. • Your kids refer to riding the bus to school as "downsizing." • Before go you out, you have to file for a parade permit. • It has i
Classifiied Ads That Needing Proofing
Here are some classified ads that appeared in newspapers — but perhaps could have used a bit more proofreading: 2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess. Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. Dinner Special — Turkey $2.
What happens at these Fahrenheit temperatures...
What happens at these Fahrenheit temperatures: +65 — Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night. +60 — Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one). +50 — Miami residents turn on the heat. +45 — Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts. +40 — You can see your breath. Californians shiver unc
Toy Disclaimers
With toys on our minds, here are some disclaimers to be found at a toy department near you: * No beanies or babies harmed in the manufacture of this product. * Warning: This fad will disappear in 6 weeks. * Caution: Care Bears do not actually care very much. * Warning: This toy produces subst