My wife, Beverly, that’s what she did. There were some places we didn’t like but our home was our sanctuary. It was a place where — when we shut the doors and pulled the blinds — it was our house. Nobody else’s. They could kick us out but as long as we were in it, it was our house. I think every pastor’s wife deserves to have a place to call home and to establish herself and her own identity in that community, in that church. You cannot live on unrealistic expectations because there is no way to satisfy everybody.

I’ve got a message that I deliver that is probably my most popular message wherever I go. I talk about the five things that Beverly taught me as a pastor’s wife. And so many pastors’ wives identify with that because they’ll come up to me afterward and say, “Man, I’d like to meet Beverly. She’s the kind of lady that I’d like to be!” or “I’m like Beverly” or whatever. Beverly’s my greatest asset, because as an only child I was kind of insecure. I came out of four generations of pastors and my whole life was based on the church and building the church and growing the church and being popular in the church. One day she said, “You’ve got to make a decision: is it going to be the church or is it going to be your family?” I learned that the most important members of my congregation are my wife and children. Everybody else pales in comparison to them. That’s easy to say. That even makes sense to say but how to practice that is a whole other story.

Preaching: What are some of the other things Beverly taught you?

London: Well, first of all she taught me to let me find my place. Don’t pigeon hole me. Don’t put me into areas that I feel uncomfortable. If you’ll let me do what I do best most often, then you’ll be happier and the church will be better served. I think that was one thing.

I think the other thing she taught me was that I love the church but I love her and the kids more. See I was raised in a pastor’s home and my folks were always out doing stuff. I remember growing up very lonely as a child, and because I had that modeling as a young 23-year-old pastor — I came out of seminary at 23 — I didn’t know how to properly be a father or husband because I had a very poor role model. As a result of that I thought that my ministry was validated by Beverly’s involvement. But I also found the church will place on you everything they possibly can and then come back for more. Somewhere along the way you’ve got to say stop. So we would just say openly, “This is how Beverly will be serving the church the next 6 months, this is what my kids will doing. They’ll be playing basketball a lot and I’ll be going to their games, and you just need to know that if you don’t see us at every little opening of the doors that there’s a good reason for that.”