David Murrow is a television writer and producer who attended a variety of
churches over the years, and discovered that “no matter the name on the
outside, there are always more women on the inside.” That prompted him
to launch a study which resulted in his book Why Men Hate Going to Church
(Thomas Nelson). Preaching editor Michael Duduit recently visited with
Murrow by phone from his home in Alaska.
Preaching:
What sparked your interest in men and their connection — or lack of connection
— to the church?
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Murrow:
About five years ago I just came to a real crisis point in my faith. I realized
that the church structures were keeping me from having the adventure that Christ
intended for me. I became a church elder thinking that I could change things,
then I realized that being a leader in the church was actually changing me.
The very things that I had to do in the church were keeping me from doing the
things — the wild — from being wild at heart. So that’s what
kind of launched me on this journey of exploration.
I
began to wonder what is a man and I began to notice how feminized everything
in our churches had become — how women were into it and men weren’t.
Any first-year marketing student can walk into a local church and in ten minutes
tell you who the target audience is — and it ain’t men.
Preaching:
That leads to the obvious question: why do men hate going to church?
Murrow:
The church has a reputation as a place for women, weirdoes and wimps. No real
man would be caught dead in the church. I think churches work very hard to create
an environment where women and sensitive men feel comfortable meeting Jesus,
and I think that is because over the years many of our ministries have become
women-oriented. We need women to work in the nursery, to staff the Sunday School,
to prepare meals for potluck dinners, to prepare for ceremonial gatherings such
as weddings, funerals, baby showers, etc. So because women are so desperately
needed for the ministry machine we subtly tailor our messages, our ceremonies.
We
subtly tailor the very spirit of the church to the needs of a middle-aged women.
And that’s also our largest demographic. The median churchgoer in America
is a 52-year-old woman who is married with an empty nest. She’s got time
on her hands and money to give. And because she is so valuable — we don’t
even realize it but we have created the perfect environment for her to feel
comforted. And as a result — though we were not intending to exclude men
— we’ve created an environment where masculine men and young men are
lacking the adventure they need in Christ, because we are so intent on making
that middle-aged woman comfortable, because we need her so much. Do you see
the vicious circle? It’s nothing intentional we’re doing. We’re
not intending to bar men from the riches in Christ but we don’t need those
men so we don’t cater to them. We tend to cater to her instead.