Self-Disclosure In Preaching : An Interview With Bob Russell, John Claypool, Barry Black, And Dieter Zander
There were things in my relationship with my mother that I needed forgiveness for, and things I needed to give forgiveness for. I needed to bathe that whole situation in grace. But I do wish on that given Mother’s Day, I had not used that illustration about her.
Black: There have been times that I was glad that I used family stories. I do “family life weeks,” and many times an anecdote about my relationship with my wife — particularly when it illustrates our having to overcome some challenge — is very, very helpful to people who have an unrealistic attitude toward marriage. Occasionally, I will talk about my children, but I am very, very careful about doing that. I recall at least one occasion I was talking about my middle son. He didn’t have a strong objection to it, but he did say, “Why did you have to talk about me?” So I am very, very sensitive to the fishbowl environment that the minister’s family already lives in. I try to save my family from that by not adding to the ability of people to view their lives.
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Preaching: Should an autobiographical account in a sermon always lead to something positive?
Russell: I think it has to have a positive point. With struggles, for instance, you don’t just throw them out there because it is something that you are struggling with. Until you have some kind of a positive conclusion or have a purpose for that illustration, you should hold it.
Zander: I think you can share a negative story and let the listeners “sit in it” for a while. I think one of the great ways to do a self-disclosure is to talk about regret or a missed opportunity. I’ve talked about missing opportunities with my kids. And I’ve talked about saying something that was in a sense my father’s voice living in me — something I vowed that I would never say. And I said it, and you don’t get to take that back. I think we have all been there, and you can just let people sit in that for a while. People will think, “Me too.” At that point I might say, “I would like to be able to say that I never do that any more, but I still do. And it is a process and I have asked forgiveness from my children many, many times.” But the listeners can sit in it for a brief time, and that is a means by which you can make them long for the good news. It gets them ready for what you have coming.
Claypool: If you mean by positive a lesson learned, yes. Some of the most negative things that I have ever done and had done to me — these have taught me things. Yes, I always have to leave you in a positive light. But it does not always have to be sugary sweet, because life does work us over before it’s done. The sharing of any autobiographical story ought to have some intent to illuminate, to make clear what our options are. It should teach, even if it discloses our folly in the situation.