Self-Disclosure In Preaching : An Interview With Bob Russell, John Claypool, Barry Black, And Dieter Zander
Preaching: Do you ever tell stories about family members? If so, do you follow some guidelines as you consider telling such a story? Have you ever regretted using a family story? Been glad you did?
Russell: First of all, I get permission. Second, I try very carefully not to make my wife or my kids look bad. If it is a story that makes one of the kids look bad, I will protect their identity. And the other thing is that I will tell, hint, or let the audience know in some way that I have permission to tell this story. I don’t always say, “I have permission to tell this story.” But I will let them know often enough that they realize that that is the case.
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Another very important point is that we not exaggerate the family story. There is a real temptation to make it bigger than it is. But I think the most powerful stories are stories that other people can identify with.
Let me give you an illustration of this. I didn’t realize this story would go over as well as it did: I was talking about the fact that marriage reveals some of the weaknesses that you have in yourself. I told the congregation about when my wife bought some lawn furniture. It is very good furniture, but when it starts to storm, or when there is a threat of rain, she will say that “we” (which I know means me) need to bring those lawn furniture cushions in. When she says that, I say, “Look it is outdoor lawn furniture. That’s why we bought it! It will endure.” But, she replies, it will just last longer if we bring it in.
Now, I’m sitting on the couch and I don’t like how lazy I feel at that moment, and I like it less when she is bringing the lawn furniture in herself. And so, reluctantly I’ll get up and move them in. The point of the story is that we don’t like what marriage does to us — it underscores our weaknesses.
Now that personal account doesn’t need to be exaggerated. It doesn’t need to be a big, compelling story. It needs to be as simple as it really is. So many men in the church came up to me to say, “My wife is the same way with lawn furniture.” And something like that — when people can see themselves or see themselves in something similar — makes it real.
Zander: Early on, my wife and I made an agreement that I would never tell a story about her or about any one of our family members with out express permission from them. That would include my children, relatives, everyone. There had been times when I violated that because I just wasn’t thinking. It would be an off the cuff kind of a deal, and it was a terrible breach of trust. But that was something we committed to early on, and I have tried to hold to it. There are a lot of good stories that haven’t been told, and it kills me inside. I’m thinking, “Oh, that would be a really good illustration.” But my son would say, “No, Dad, I don’t want to be seen as that person in the church.”