I also know that from what I've seen in my parent's life and in my life, some of the things are understandable and some are just not at all. They're like mysteries. Those are times when God is silent and still, as He was when Mary and Martha prayed and asked him to come. He stayed where He was for two days and they didn't hear from Him, they didn't know He'd heard their prayer, they didn't see any evidence that He was going to get involved and do anything. At that place in my life, what happens is you either can withdraw and get angry — be bitter and offended with God and your life's turned into a blaming, complaining attitude — or you just fall back in trust of Him and know that He does care because the Bible says He does. He has heard my prayers because the Bible says He has. He will get involved in His own time and way because the Bible says He will. So what it does is strengthen your faith in what the Bible says to be true, not in any outward evidence that you might see.

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I've asked the Lord for years if He would strengthen my faith, to get me to that point. I'm grateful, I feel like I'm growing during this time enormously just in my trust in Him. That's not based on anything other than the word of God. But it brings you through from time to time and there'll be a promise, there'll be an encouragement, there'll be a precious little thing that only He would understand would meet a cry in your heart. And so it just gives evidence that He is there and His arms are around you.

So there are things like that that have triggered it, coming out of my own working through this but based on scripture. I love the scripture and I love going to John 11 and living it out in Martha's eyes and from her perspective, because she was going through things that we go through and God brought her through. I think He taught her what He would want to teach me. Just to face my faith in Him alone. Just to trust Him.

Preaching: As you have worked through this issue, are there any particular insights about dealing with pain that have been very meaningful to you?

Lotz: As I was writing through that chapter and writing through the whole book, it just stuck me how true the principle is that Jesus defines in John 12:24 — that if a grain of wheat abides alone it just remains a little grain of wheat. But if it falls into the ground and dies, the pressure of the soil crushes the kernel and the water of the rain saturates it, and the warmth of the sun causes it to sprout then it grows up and it bears many grains of fruit. That principle: that there needs to be a death before a life, and that blessing can follow brokenness, and that there's a resurrection that follows the cross.

I think a lot of Christians — including myself — stop at the cross. We stop at the brokenness and we stop at the death and we don't see the big picture — that there's life after death and glory after the garbage of the consequences of our sin. There's blessing that follows brokenness. I think it's just getting my eye on the big picture. I don't have to understand, I don't have to judge what God's going to do by this point in time. He has a bigger picture in mind, and what I'm going through is just a part of that big picture.