This time they've gone too far.
These days we seem to be inundated with surveys. It's understandable in election years -- after all, if politicians didn't have frequent surveys to consult, how would they know what they believe?
I can even understand market surveys, in which companies try to determine public preferences for certain products, brands, and so on. I'll be happy to tell them which kinds of soap, detergent, or frozen dinners my family uses regularly. And, frankly, I'd really like to be included in a Nielsen television survey -- I'd like to have at least a small part in cancelling a few series.
But when those pesky survey takers enter the church sanctuary, it's time to call a halt.
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According to Evangelical Press News Service, a London research institute has done some surveys of regular church-goers in Great Britain. The results are not pretty -- at least not for the preachers who have to face these crowds each and every Sunday.
According to the survey, 42 percent of regular church-goers fall asleep in church. I assume they mean on occasion; the thought of four out of every ten parishioners stretched out to catch a few winks each Sunday is a little too much to bear.
And that's not all. More than a third of those surveyed said they check their watch in church every Sunday. And 10 percent indicated they put their watch to their ear and shake it, thinking it must have stopped.
Can you imagine facing that congregation on a weekly basis? Half the church is fast asleep, another third is keeping tabs on the progress of Mickey's long hand and short hand, and one out of every ten is shaking the quartz out of his watch. It's enough to make you want to go into the insurance business.
As if these nefarious surveyers hadn't done enough damage to our collective self-image, they also found that more than 65 percent of British church-goers occasionally wish they had stayed in bed. (No big deal there -- I'll bet 95 percent of British preachers occasionally feel the same way!)
What surprised me is that 4 percent of churchgoers say they always wish they had stayed in bed. So why in the world are they sitting in the pews at all? I'm willing to bet this group includes those same characters who are always shaking their watches during the sermon. We know just who they are -- half of them are deacons/board members in our churches, too.
Next time I see somebody shaking a watch during my sermon, I'm going to shake an offering plate right back at them. That ought to wake a few of them up.