Am I in the Wrong Business or What?

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Am I in the Wrong Business or What?

By Michael Duduit

As preachers, we tend to live and die by our words. But after learning how much some other speakers are making these days, I've decided my words are quite a bargain.
According to Forbes magazine, John Madden makes about $35,000 every time he accepts a speaking engagement. (I assume that includes bus fare.) Same goes for Ted Turner of CNN and Atlanta Braves fame. Frankly, I'd rather hear Madden -- he's a lot funnier and knows more about football -- but I'd pay Ted extra if he leaves Jane at home.
I was amazed to learn how much we pay former presidents and politicos. Jimmy Carter makes $25,000 a speech, while Gerald Ford makes $20,000. And neither one could even hold a job more than four years. Of course, Henry Kissinger makes them both look like amateurs, pulling down $40,000 a speech. (But he throws in ten minutes of great Nixon jokes at no extra charge.)
If politicians aren't your cup of tea, you can have your choice of journalists for a modest sum -- $15,000 (Deborah Norville), $20,000 (Katie Couric), or $25,000 (Jane Pauley and Barbara Walters). I don't even want to get up in the morning to see Katie Couric for free! Then there's Sam Donaldson, who receives $20,000 - $25,000 to speak; the cost to get him to shut up is significantly higher.
Economists and business leaders get their fair share as well, it seems. Louis Rukeyser (of PBS' "Wall Street Week" fame) receives $25,000 per speech, and is adamant about speaking for two hours. I'm thinking about trying that technique at my next church, perhaps with a bit of a twist. ("That's right, I must be paid $5,000 per sermon and I am adamant about preaching for an hour; however, for $7,500 a sermon my determination may waver a bit.")
Sports figures are favorites on the speaking circuit as well, even if they're no longer active. For instance, former New York Yankees Whitey Ford and Joe Pepitone each receive $7,500 for speaking engagements. Former Dallas Cowboys coach Tom Landry makes $15,000; now that his successor, Jimmy Johnson, is also a "former coach," maybe he and Tom can do joint appearances. Or not.
My choice for the next church youth banquet is Bobby Knight, Indiana University basketball coach, who comes for just $25,000. That's a small price to pay to get rid of old church furniture that needs to be thrown out. (And Bobby has a way with throwing furniture.)
In an age when some school teachers live on food stamps while kids with good backhands live in mansions, I suppose we preachers shouldn't be surprised to make in a year what some of these characters make in an evening. But then, we've got a much better benefit plan than most of them.