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Who knew I was wasting three years? All those years in seminary earning a Master of Divinity (not to mention the additional years on that silly Ph.D.) when now I learn that I could have bought one book and avoided all those term papers and exams. I just read about a forthcoming book called The Portable Seminary, described as "A Master's Level Overview in One Volume." Even at 704 pages, it's going to have to be an overview from a pretty lofty elevation, given that I had single seminary classes with that much reading. The publisher reports that this book is "Designed for anyone who wants an introduction to a seminary education but cannot afford the time or money to attend seminary, who lives where formal training is unavailable, or whose previous education is primarily secular." The publisher's catalog also says that it is "A user-friendly theological education without the time and expense of seminary." Wow, who would have ever guessed you could skip through the hard work of preparation for ministry by reading one book? Personally, I am eagerly awaiting additional volumes such as The Portable Medical School and The Portable Law School, given that I don't have time or money to go to such places but am anxious to dabble in those noble professions. Maybe after that I'll pick up a copy of The Portable Engineering School and get a job designing airplanes and such. Just so long as they're "user-friendly," of course. Who needs all that hard work, anyway? Michael
Duduit, Editor Click here to visit "I Was Just Thinking" (Michael’s blog) for insights and observations about faith and culture issues.
Teens and the Supernatural A recent report by The Barna Group spotlights an issue of growing concern: the increasing involvement of American teens with the supernatural and occult elements. According to a story at Barna.org: "Teenagers relish experiences and the supernatural world provides fertile ground for their explorations. In fact, three-quarters of America's youth (73%) have engaged in at least one type of psychic or witchcraft-related activity, beyond mere media exposure or horoscope usage. "The most common types of witchcraft behaviors were using a Ouija board and reading a book about witchcraft or Wicca, each of which had been done by more than one-third of teenagers. More than one-quarter of teens have played a game featuring sorcery or witchcraft elements. One-tenth of teens had participated in a séance and 1 out of 12 had tried to cast a spell or mix a magic potion. "As for psychic activities, more than one-fourth of teens have had their palm read (30%) or their fortune told (27%). Other psychic deeds included being physically present when someone else used psychic powers (14%), visiting a medium or spiritual guide (9%), and consulting a psychic (9%)." According to David Kinnaman, the author of the report Ministry to Mosaics: Teens and the Supernatural, today's teenagers are part of the Mosaic generation, a category for those now under age 21. "The term 'Mosaic' is a great way to describe teens' patchwork of values and lifestyles: they are the ultimate collage artists, pulling ideas and input from a variety of sources that consist of a great diversity of flavors." Barna's research also revealed that few churches are addressing the subject of the supernatural with young people, reporting that "only one-quarter of churched teenagers (28%) recall receiving any teaching at their church in the last year that helped to shape their views on the supernatural world." (Click here to read the full Barna Update.) http://www.barna.org/FlexPage.aspx?Page=BarnaUpdateNarrow&BarnaUpdateID=216
What will we endure to preach? In a Jan. 31 convocation address to students at Southern Baptist Seminary, President R. Albert Mohler told the future ministers that one challenge they will face is that preaching sometimes appears to be producing no visible response in the congregation. But that is no reason to abandon preaching, he insisted. "The Word of God goes in and does surgery that the hearer does not even immediately recognize is taking place. It's in the mystery of the preaching of the Word of God, accompanied by the Spirit, that the believer is conformed to the image of the Lord Jesus Christ in the silent, invisible surgery of the soul. "If you want quick results, you'll be tempted to do something other than preaching. If you want instant gratification, you'll look at some other form of programming or you'll get excited about some other dimension of ministry at the expense of preaching. But if you want to build Christ's church and if you want to see Christ's people conformed to His image, preaching is the indispensable mark of the church." (Click here to listen to the address.) http://www.albertmohler.com/audio_list.php
And the survey says . . . In the Jan. 20 edition of his Pastors Weekly Briefing newsletter, H.B. London wrote, "On Wednesday, I boarded United flight #1217 headed for San Jose, California. . . As I was sitting down and getting ready for the take-off, they announced that United Airlines would be conducting a passenger survey. To those who participated there was a chance you could be credited with as many as 60,000 air miles. I never win anything, but I decided I would go ahead and offer my opinion. "I'm telling you, they asked you everything! How did I like the seats? Was the aircraft clean? Did the flight attendants treat us nicely? Was the food up to par? What was it like when you checked in? Were the gate agents polite? Was the ticket fairly priced? Did the United employees look neatly dressed? And the questions that really caught my attention: Would you fly on United again? Would you recommend United to someone else? "Now I am sure you can see where I am going with this. What if, at least once a month, you put a survey into the hands of your church attendees and asked them to express their honest opinion about your church, the services and maybe even the content of your sermons? I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure I am not that secure. "Let's consider a few simple questions: Were you greeted and made to feel welcome when you arrived? Did the music point you to the preached Word or was it simply one song after another? Did the message have relevance? Did it apply? Were your children well cared for? Was the Lord's house honored with neatness and order? Did you feel the church service was performance-oriented or Christ-centered? And the big questions: Will you return? Would you invite someone else to attend with you? "I know churches are not airplanes, but sometimes it is good to know how your people are feeling. Don't you agree? 'Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed' (Prov. 15:22)." (To subscribe to Pastors Weekly Briefing go to www.family.org/pastor/pwbeform.cfm)
ILLUSTRATION: Love The young woman was married and had two beautiful children, but one day as she was standing over the sink, washing dishes, she thought, "There must be more to life than this." When her husband came home, he found a note she'd written and began to weep. She would call him once every week to check on the children, and he would always tell her of his great love for her and beg her to come home. She would always say no and hang up. Finally, he hired a private investigator to find her and he went to the apartment where she was staying, nervously holding flowers in his hand as he stood at the door. He had rehearsed over and over what he would say and he finally got up the nerve to knock on the door. She opened the door and he started to speak, but she suddenly began to weep and fell into his arms. Through her tears she said, "Let's go home." Months after, when things were starting to heal, he finally asked her something that had been bothering him: "All those times I talked to you on the phone; I asked you to come back and you refused. Why did you come back now?" "Before," she said, "you were just telling me that you loved me. When you came, you showed me." The Bible tells us of God's love, but Jesus came and showed God's love. (from Chad West, at SermonCentral.com)
ILLUSTRATION: Brevity Sometimes it's important to get to the point quickly. Here's how Johnny Carson once described the Academy Awards ceremony: "Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show." (from rd.com)
ILLUSTRATION: Stress, Paper "An average person handles about 300 sheets of paper per day including catalogs, magazines, flyers, newspapers, notes, junk mail, faxes, and school papers. In five days, a family of five can accumulate 7,000 pages. In a month, this figure jumps to 45,000 pages. Americans annually handle 660 pounds of paper, and we save a lot of it. The average four-drawer filing cabinet holds 18,000 sheets of paper." (from Recognizing and Coping with Stress)
ILLUSTRATION: Directions, Heaven A boy was waiting on his mother to come out of a store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the post office is?" The boy replied, "Sure, just go straight down the street two blocks and it's on your right." The man thanked the boy and then said, "I'm the new preacher in town, and I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven." The little boy replied with a chuckle, "I don't think so. You don't even know the way to the post office!"
ILLUSTRATION: Overlooked treasures A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible that he found in a dusty, old box. He happened to mention that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed it. "Not Gutenberg?" gasped the collector. "Yes, I think that was it," the man replied. "Oh no! You've thrown away one of the first books ever printed. A copy recently sold at an auction for two million dollars!" "Oh, I don't think this book would have been worth anything close to that much," replied the man. "It was scribbled all over in the margins by some guy named Martin Luther."
"Preaching Creatively" is theme of National Conference on Preaching Plan now to attend the 2006 National Conference on Preaching, scheduled for April 24-26 at Fellowship Church in Grapevine, TX (suburban Dallas). "Preaching Creatively" is the theme of the 2006 NCP. A remarkable team of speakers will be on hand for NCP 2006, including: Ed Young, Jr., Haddon Robinson, Calvin Miller, Dieter Zander, Jack Graham, Doug Pagitt, Steve Wende, Bryan L. Carter, Mike Glenn, Leroy Armstrong, Jr., Rick White, Ramesh Richard and many more. You'll draw insights and encouragement from the theme-related addresses on preaching creatively, plus great sermons and many practical workshops. Mark your calendar now to be part of the conference. Click here for additional information or to register (or call 800-288-9673). Register before March 1 and save $55 off the regular registration fee.
A little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup. She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?" Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV: 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.'"
More resume blunders If you're applying for a job, you might want to try to avoid some of these comments found in actual resumes and job applications: "Here are my qualifications for you to overlook." "Work History: Performed brain wave tests, 1879-1981." "After receiving advice from several different angels, I have decided to pursue a new line of work." "Accounting cleric." "As indicted, I have over five years of experience analyzing investments." "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details." "Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school." "Fired because I fought for lower pay." "Size of employer: Very tall, probably over 6'5"." "Please disregard the enclosed resume -- it is terribly out of date." "Finished 8th in my high school graduating class of 10." "I am relatively intelligent, obedient and loyal as a puppy." "My compensation should be at least equal to my age." "Reason for Leaving: It had to do with the IRS, FBI and SEC." "Reason for Leaving: My boss said the end of the world is near." "Reason for Leaving: The owner gave new meaning to the word 'paranoia.' I prefer to elaborate privately."
And finally . . . Here's a problem you wish you had. According to a Jan. 31 AFP news story, Bill Gates makes so much money that the regular IRS computer can't handle it. Gates told a group in Lisbon attending a Microsoft conference that, "My tax return in the United States has to be kept on a special computer because their normal computers can't deal with the numbers." He added, "I am constantly getting these notices telling me I haven't paid something when really it is just on the wrong computer." Gates' fortune is put at $47 billion dollars, according to the latest Forbes list of the world's richest people. And Bill, if you ever decide to get rid of some of those billions to make tax time easier, please make note of the address below.
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